header
"Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on."
Samuel Butler

Get Leadership Notes by Email

Good afternoon, and I hope this edition of Leadership Notes finds you well. I'm writing as I sit beside my ailing mother's hospital bed. At 84, there could be any number of explanations for her dramatic and rapid decrease in cognitive abilities, and so the fact that she is sleeping presently is a very good thing. It also provides a moment or two of quiet reflection in the midst of a rather busy week.
And I've been thinking about the many notes I made in a session last week with Dr. Meg Wheatley, jointly presented by the Dalai Lama Centre and The Hollyhock Centre. Meg is largely known for her pivotal work called "Leadership and the New Science", arguing that the command and control and cause and effect models of leadership so common in our organizations are based on Newtonian scientific models since challenged by "chaos theory" and an understanding of relativity, that is that the universe is about relationships, rather than hierarchy and mechanics. She has since moved into some fascinating work diving deeper into communications and leadership inside of chaotic environments.
One of the lines that struck me deeply was that leadership was about a "commitment to not add to the fear and or aggression in the world." It spoke to me as I thought of the times I had been in board rooms or management meetings, and personal attacks have been made, consciously or unconsciously. How a leader responds to such attacks is absolutely vital for the health of the relationship and in the medium to long term, for the health of the organization. Meg Wheatley's challenge, that each of us "not add to the fear and or aggression in the world" is key. I can certainly respond to personal attacks, but my focus should be on alleviating or mitigating the fear and or aggression in the situation. Clearly, misusing power towards punishment and retribution will add to the fear and aggression in the situation, while modeling listening, learning and curiosity will create space for creativity and possibility. And perhaps even more importantly, such modeling will show that hope and optimism can and do thrive in our organizations and communities. And it is hope and optimism that will mean the difference for us all economically in the coming years. As the late Jack Layton said, "my friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So, let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world."
May we each find an opportunity this week to be loving rather than angry and aggressive, hopeful rather than fearful and optimistic rather than desperate. And thus make a positive change in our organizations, and the world.

Good morning from Haida Gwaii, the “Misty Islands” on the far north west coast of Canada, a remarkable, ancient and mysterious place. I have been working with a credit union here and have had many, many, ‘present moment = wonderful moments’ throughout my visit here.
One of our correspondents sent me this link the other day:
http://www.ted.com/talks/dave_meslin_the_antidote_to_apathy.html
Although the link is speaking about political apathy, I wonder if some of Mr. Meslin’s observations might be applicable in organizations. In my work with managers and leaders I’m often asked, how do we motivate people? How do we get people to take initiative? And for years we’ve been looking at the psychology of the individual and trying to create workspaces where people are more likley to be motivated. But perhaps we’ve been missing a key piece of the puzzle. What about the psychology of the organization? If we really do want employees to care about us, to be motivated, to take the initiative, how many barriers might the organization itself be putting up?
Simply put, how easy do we make it for people to be apathetic about what we’re trying to accomplish as an organizaton? For example, our obsession with numbers and metrics? If organizations were people we’d be hard pressed to be in their company, as self-centred as they seem to be. It’d be like hanging out with a person who spends all of their time looking in the mirror obsessing over minute changes in their waistline and butt size. Now being healthy and fit are good things, and we need to have measures to ensure that we are both. And we are not only healthy and fit for ourselves, we are healthy and fit for our families, for our communities. Or another barrier might be our tendency to hero worship. There are people I know in organizations who have been given status and authority in these organizations because they are hero; they have some skill or competency that is indeed very valuable, and yet they are often ill equipped to work in teams, to manage people, and to inspire and lead. And yet they are handsomely rewarded and even promoted because of their wizardy in some specific area. As a fellow employee, I can reasonably infer that the organization actually values that skill, rather than commitment, motivation and initiative, and so, why bother. Not mention the often cancer-like spread of unreasonable and inappropriate behaviour that rewarding heroes can enhance. If we really do value teamwork, if we really do value collective hard work, then, we need to clearly name and behave in such a way that supports teamwork and collective hard work. Perhaps excising the cancer can be the most motivating behaviour a leader can do.
May we each find an opportunity this week to look at our organization and wonder if the culture actually does inspire and motivate the people to do and be the best they can be?

Good afternoon from an Air Canada flight to Montreal, enroute to Gander Newfoundland, where I'll be working with a group of senior managers from credit unions. I am looking forward to the work.
Over the past number of weeks we've been going through a series of attributes about leadership that grew out of my trip to Australia. We've explored: presence, Present moment=wonderful moment, slowing down, attention and listening, honoring self, others and place, gratitude, compassion and solitude. This week, we'll look and the last, but by no means the least important attribute, solitude.
Traveling on my own meant I was alone for most of the trip, but solitude was what I was actually seeking. Solitude is being present and comfortable with oneself, and the thoughts that float by and through one's mind. The only way to experience solitude, in my experience, is to be alone and silent, in silence. I drove for example from Melbourne to Broken Hill, a drive of 9.5 hours, and turned the radio off as I left the outskirts of Melbourne. I was driving in silence, with only my thoughts as company for over 9 hours. I loved the journey! And to be sure, my thoughts were not always entertaining; guilt, anger, and confusion were more common than forgiveness, peace and clarity. And I learned that they were ok. I need not dwell on them. They were part of the path towards forgiveness, peace and clarity. Most often though, I found myself being angry for example about the past, or being confused about the future, both of which I had no control over. They were at best fantasies, and so a common mantra for myself on the drive was "breathe in reality, breathe out fantasy". Asking myself, what is going on right here and right now? How can I respond to the right here, right now?
Now I know that for some of us, the idea of spending 9 hours with oneself might be daunting. I have come upon a series of questions that demand solitude for their answers, and I invite you to find some time this week to explore them for yourself. They are from the book Breaking the Leadership Mold" by Rosie Steeves that a friend gave me a copy of this past week. In it Dr. Steeves offers the following reflective questions for leaders:
1. What does leadership mean to you? What qualities do you believe a leader should possess?
2. Where are you on the command and control vs. Collaborative continuum, and what does that tell you about your yourself and your leadership beliefs
3. To what extent do your personal paradigms and mental models hold you back from being an effective leader? How might you overcome this?
4. What makes some people better leaders than others and what are the implications of this for you?
5. When does leadership happen for you? When does it appear to happen for others in your organization?
6. Does a leader need power? How can a leader avoid being corrupted by power?
7. How might you lead that others may follow? How would you like your relationship to be with those with whom you lead?
8. What traits must you demonstrate to build effective teams?
9. For you, what is the most important thing about leadership? How might this differ for others in your organization?
May we each find time for solitude to address these questions, and the questions of our lives.

 

Good afternoon from Vancouver!

We’ve been exploring the following leadership attributes from my reflections in Australia this summer;

Presence

Present Moment = Wonderful Moment

Slowing Down

Attention and Listening

Honouring Self, Others and the Place

Gratitude

Compassion

Solitude

Over the next weeks, I’ll expand a little more on each of them.

For this week, gratitude. It seems that everyone from the Buddah, Jesus of Nazareth, and The Prophet Mohammed, through to Henry David Thoreau, your Mum and even Oprah talk about the importance of gratitude and thanksgiving. There must be something to it?!  Why is it that we can still sit in a restaurant and not thank the server who takes our order or brings our food, close a meeting and not thank the people who attended for their time and contribution, or even thank our family and loved ones for their presence in our lives?

Did you know that a sincere and heartfelt thank you is consistently one of the top three most important rewards an employee can receive? To be appreciated for a contribution, to be recognized for an act or word touches us at a very deep level.

During my stay on Heron Island on the Great Barrier Reef, www.heronisland.com I had the pleasure of meeting some wonderful people. Two couples in particular, became friendly as we shared some laughs on the boat to the island and then shared a few meals together. One couple were older; she in her 70’s , he in his 80’s, and both had lost their first spouses in death at quite young ages, and had raised six children each on their own from the time they were in their early 40’s. They had been married for about 10 years. In a moment of serendipity, with the beautiful weather, the gorgeouos location and the fact that I was ordained, they approached me and asked if I would officiate at a renewal of their wedding vows. Well with no legal issues to worry about, they were already married, I said sure.

The renewal was wonderful, they had written their own vows, and I said a couple of words about love and elderhood, the other couple acted as photographers and a few of the other guests shared the moment with us all, and one sang Ave Maria. And then off we all went for dinner. It was simple, lovely and a great memory. The ‘bride’ came over to me and said, “I’ve been thinking about how to thank you.” I said, “you’re welcome, so no worries.” Then she said, “I’m an artist, and I’d like to paint my view of Heron Island and send it to you.” I said “thank you.”

Her painting, an impressionist work, found me on my last night in a hotel in Melbourne, wrapped in a tube. I carefully brought it home, and it now hangs above the mantle in my office. It is absolutely lovely. And it touches me, because it came from her heart.

As leaders, we too can make a difference in people’s lives and in our relationships with them, by naming and acting on our thankfulness from our hearts. And, as an exercise, as you go to bed each night, think about the people and situations from the day that you are thankful for; and you may well find that you want to thank the people who come into your mind the very next day.

 

We’ve been exploring the following leadership attributes from my reflections in Australia this summer;
Presence
Present Moment = Wonderful Moment
Slowing Down
Attention and Listening
Honouring Self, Others and the Place
Gratitude
Compassion
Solitude
Over the next weeks, I’ll expand a little more on each of them.
This week we’ll look at compassion. I first of all draw your attention to the work of Karen Armstrong and others around the Charter for Compassion, www.charterforcompassion.org
That said, I for one find it very difficult in my busy life to be ‘compassionate’ all the time, to try to care, and be concerned with everyone from the guy on the street begging for change, to the parents who seem completely oblivious to their screaming toddler in the restaurant. And I certainly have stories, as I’m sure many of us do, of staff who appear to take advantage of sick and family days, and we frankly start to assume that they’re ‘faking it’, or somehow ‘less than’ a star performer who is never sick.
And then I met death. We actually, really and truly, honestly, do all die. No one gets out of this alive. I’ve met people in recent months, including in Australia, who told stories of losing a spouse at forty and having six children to raise alone, a sibiling dying of cancer and not being able to mend the estrangement , a lover dying of AIDS, and having to pretend that they were ‘just roommates’ as both hearts were shattering like glass.
There is a rabbinic story that says, if each of us were to take our troubles and each of us make a coat out of them, we might then hang them up on a coat rack. When we took a step back and looked at all of the coats of trouble, we’d go back and take our own troubles back.
It may have been because I was on my own in my travels, that I could sit in a café, or restaurant and simply people watch. What began to happen was that I saw people through their ‘coats’; what would make that person snap at their seat mate like that?, why would that person not say please or thank you to the server? why would that well dressed man walk right on by the person begging on the street? And suddenly, it began to make more sense to think of them through their coats of trouble. We’ll never know another person’s story completely, but we might assume that their troubles are at the very least as sad as our own. As someone said in a workshop I was facilitating last week, ‘you know I sometimes hear a person’s story, and I think, I’m just so impressed that you actually got out of bed this morning, because I’m not sure I would have.”
And then I began to see that my life, for all of the pain and trouble, was in fact a pretty wonderful gift. I loved and was loved, even in bad times, I had strength and health, and the financial wherewithall to go to Australia, to name only a few of the surface points. Given these gifts, the only possible response I could imagine was compassion. Now that’s not to say that I’m compassionate all the time, but that’s the direction we need to head towards. Perhaps for example, I might start to actually smile and acknowledge the guy begging for money, and to say, “sorry, nothing on me today, but hope you have a warm place tonight”, or something similar. Or perhaps, rather than rolling my eyes at the parents’ lack of attention, perhaps I might revel in the sheer joy of life as a 3 year old, and have a few laughs and smiles for the kid, and his or her parents.
And at work, I might actually find myself compelled to ask after the health of an employee using a lot of sick days, not because I’m prying, or because I’m managing our corporate health benefits, but because I simply care about the health of another human being, and their coat of troubles.
Good afternoon from Vancouver!
We’ve been exploring the following leadership attributes from my reflections in Australia this summer;
Presence
Present Moment = Wonderful Moment
Slowing Down
Attention and Listening
Honouring Self, Others and the Place
Gratitude
Compassion
Solitude
Over the next weeks, I’ll expand a little more on each of them.
For this week, let’s look at honouring self, others and the place. There is a great old Stephen Stills song that goes, “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” Now, given it’s time and context, it was to all intents and purposes an homage to ‘free love’, but it has been humming around my brain a little over the past couple of months for another reason. Many of us can find ourselves working for example in situations, or being in places and with people we’d perhaps rather not be. For example as much as I enjoy the adventure of air travel, long flights especially can be tiresome and frustrating. I’m learning though to ‘be’ where ever I am. I could wish I was elsewhere, but that’s not reality, I’m here, right now, so what can I do more of or less of to be more present? And key to this work, and it is work, is to honour myself.
While I was away, I found myself missing family and friends. I soon realized if I tried to ‘push’ those feelings away, they’d simply come back. On the other hand if I dwelt on them, they could take over and become a debilitating case of homesickness. I found that by honouring the feelings, gently saying to myself, ‘yes, it is true that I miss this person or that person, and it would be fun if they were here.” And then, waiting for a bit and then, again gently saying to myself, “and they are not here, so let’s see what fun we can have right here right now.”  In that way I was honouring the feelings I had, and still not getting trapped into a hampster wheel.
And by honouring myself, I could then more appropriately honour other people. I met a lovely older couple on my trip and for a couple of days they were often present in my environment. As much as I valued my solitude, I soon learned that I could learn much if I simply listened to the wife in the couple, who would come over and sit next to me and start to talk. It was beyond being ‘polite.’ I actually grew to enjoy her wit and wisdom, even though, I would much rather have been sitting quietly on my own. And after a while, having been present in the moment with her, I could then say, “well, it’s been great, and I’d like to go back to my journalling, or reading. I look forward to our next conversation.” And off she’d happily go.
As leaders we can find ourselves in meetings, on trips, engaging with customers or colleagues and thinking to ourselves, ‘I could be doing x’ or ‘when are they going to finish?’ Remember the Stephen Stills song, ‘love the one you’re with.’ And honour yourself, the other people in the room and the place you’re in. The place you’re in is the place you’re in. Give your attention to the other person, and having done that for a time, you will be able to more graciously disengage, or even better, you may learn something new.