supporting people in the vital work of changing their minds
"If we could hang all our sorrows on pegs and were allowed to choose those we liked best, everyone of us would take back his own, for all the rest would seem even more difficult to bear."
Get Leadership Notes by Email
I enjoyed a warm and chuckle filled dinner with an old friend last night. (We worked together 30 years ago!) In part of the wide ranging conversation, we touched on the importance of ‘personal inventory’. It is vital for us all to do some “personal inventory”, exploring why we behave in certain ways. For example, I know that there are times when a deep need for acknowledgement and appreciation drives me to seek affirmation and metaphoric and literal applause. As I mature and hopefully gain some wisdom I have learned to watch for and then check this kind of behavior. And I know that it still seeps through though, and I have learned to be ‘ok’ with it, and to move forward, having learned another lesson.
As leaders, we all need to take the time periodically to do that inventory on ourselves.
Sadly however, most of our personal inventory time is actually invested in doing inventory on other people, most often when they are not even around! We ask ourselves something like; ‘why on earth did they do that?’, and then promptly start the guessing game of answering the question for ourselves. Or, perhaps we find someone else to triangle into the conversation, and ask them, “why on earth did ‘so and so’ do that?” We then begin the very entertaining process of guessing the causes of ‘so and so’s’ behavior.
As entertaining as the process of doing inventory on other people can be, it almost invariably leads us to incorrect answers, assumptions and actions. When we do inventory on other people we can at best, guess, and more often than not, make prejudicial and judgment laden assumptions.
Next time you find yourself asking “why on earth did ‘so and so’ do ‘xyz’?” stop yourself and find a way to ask them from a place of curiosity.
And may this week, we each may find some time to do some inventory on ourselves.
Good morning from a cold and snowy Winnipeg International Airport. I’ve been working with a great group of managers of credit unions across south western Manitoba for the past couple of days in Brandon Manitoba.
I was reflecting last evening in my journal how fortunate I am to get to work with folks like this. Although there were some Baby Boomers in the group, there were a number of Gen Y and even a couple of Millenials in the group. It was wonderful to work with them, and frankly, I am inspired by these young people. They are smart intellectually, and they are smart socially. There seems to me anyway to be a welcoming of diversity, an openness to differing opinions and possibilities.
It strikes me that the potential for good in the world is huge at this point in time. The economic and political power is held by people who grew up in the 60:s and 70”s; people inspired and taught by peace and compassion. And the next generations, especially the millenials are in their own way, inspired and taught by peace and compassion. Already connections are being made; young people are being engaged and asked to act and respond by the “Free the Children” campaign, the Me to We campaign, and others. Young people are meeting with elder Noble Laureates, the Dalai Lama Centre in Vancouver is working with Save the Children to create opportunities for at risk youth to meet and engage with internationally known writers and thinkers about how to make their world a better place. Elders are forming groups like the Suzuki Elders, and various Grandmothers’ groups. Very successful Boomers like Bill Clinton, Bill and Melinda Gates and others are turning their attention to deeper purpose kinds of projects. And when these various groups come together, the fusion possible is amazing.
In our workplaces, how can we create space for young people and elders work together? I watched a promo after a TED talk the other day for a scientific organization that uses a “tap on the shoulder” culture, where everyone is committed to the same goal; young and elder. And so, within this culture if I have a question and I’m a young person, I can tap anyone on the shoulder to ask it. Regardless of hierarchy, regardless of tenure, anyone can be asked. And in return, the same holds true, elders looking for fresh insights, new possibilities, outside of the box thinking, can tap anyone else on the shoulder as well.
What might such a ‘tap on the shoulder’ culture look like in your organization? How else might you bring inspired youth and inspired elders together to make your workplace and the world a better place for all of us?
Spring is certainly in the air today here in Vancouver! I hope it is wherever you are as well. I have had the great honour of regularly visiting a dying parishioner and friend over the past few months. Anyone who has cared for a dying person or worked in palliative care will know how deeply profound the experience can be. In many cases, and certainly in this case, the spark of life is amazing to witness. I have learned so much about patience, about strength and courage, and about our own frailty by quietly sitting next to a bed. I have also seen once more, how often life can be remade; how we can learn from our mistakes, we can make amends, we can find it in our hearts to forgive ourselves and others, we can be compassionate with ourselves and others. In the words of Mahatma Ghandi, “As human beings our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as in being able to remake ourselves.” And from a leadership perspective, the opportunity to learn, to grow and develop both for ourselves, and to allow for the development and growth of others is fundamental. In the words of designer Christopher Simmons, http://www.underconsideration.com/brandnewconference/speakers_simmons.php “…success is a map of failures; explore with courage. Draw the contours with grace.” May each of us this week find time for amendment of life, and to draw the contours of our work with grace.
As I may have mentioned in passing, I’m very excited about the upcoming visit of Karen Armstrong to the Vancouver area in March. If you are not familiar with her work, check her out on the TED website at http://www.ted.com/speakers/karen_armstrong.html
Her most recent work (in collaboration with people like HH The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu) , and the work that is bringing her to Vancouver is the Charter for Compassion www.charterforcompasssion.org . The Charter for Compassion is a provocative and important document that challenges us all to bring compassion into our lives and into the lives of our families, organizations and communities in order to make the world a safer and healthier place for all of us. I for one am fascinated by the question of compassion in our organizations and businesses.
I’ve been wondering about how we might use a lens of compassion in our leadership. For example, imagine that we all have a kind of optometrist’s testing machine, the one with the large mask that hovers in front of your face and the optometrist changes lenses in it asking, “which is better, a or b.” Imagine then that when we’re looking at an issue, say a performance issue for an employee, we look at the situation with a few different lenses, including for example, the lens of productivity or the lens of team work. I wonder what might change for us as a leader and for the employee if we also use a lens of compassion? Might we uncover new insights, new opportunities to support a change in the behavior, or even new opportunities for our own growth by using compassion as one of the lenses we use?
May each of us find an opportunity to use our compassionate lens this week.
Good morning from a lovely spring-like day here in Vancouver. I’ve been having a great deal of fun over the past few evenings checking out photos on a Facebook group page from the Ottawa subdivision I lived in with my family in the last two years of high school. The High School was Col. By Secondary, and the attached picture is from a semi annual variety show that I was involved in. About a dozen of us, young men and women, aged 17 or 18, wrote and performed in these shows. I think this picture is from a sketch about Elvis, and yes, that is me! (Apologies if you can't see the pic from here)
Of the many memories and chuckles from those years (1977 – 79) I have been struck by the wistfulness of some of the comments from people who attended the same high school in the subsequent years. The years of 77 – 79 were seen as a high point for the school academically, athletically and artistically. And I wonder what it was that happened that made those years so special. I believe in retrospect it was probably three factors; passion, freedom and skilled leaders (teachers and administrators).
All of us were passionate about one or more aspects of our school life; some were very passionate about academics, others passionate about athletics, and others, like me, passionate about our art. And to be sure, much to my parent’s dismay I was not recognized as academically gifted, much to my own frustration I was not gifted athletically, but I was recognized and honoured for my art. And I was given some freedom to explore it, as this picture attests. And very, very importantly the teachers and administrators were gifted leaders. One story will suffice as an example. The young men in the group who were producing the variety shows were all fans of Monty Python’s Flying Circus, and one day, we rounded up a larger group of our friends and arrived at school dressed as "Hell’s Grannies." In the Python sketch, Hells Grannies are a gang of ‘little old ladies’ who ride scooters and terrorize towns swinging their purses like batons. For about 10 minutes before and about 5 minutes after ‘first bell’ this high school version of the famous sketch, all of us wearing flannel nighties and hair nets, sauntered around the main hall of the school to gales of laughter from the students and teachers who were there. Now the Administration offices were right next to this main hall, and I remember seeing the Vice Principal (the same guy you were sent to if you crossed a boundary), laughing behind the office window. About 5 minutes after first bell, he came out and stood next to me. He said to me, "Al, I think it’s time we all went to class, don’t you?" "Sure", I said, and called out "Ok Grannies! Time for class", (or something similar) and in seconds the hall was clear, as the ‘grannies’ went to their respective classes, classmates in tow.
Now I’m sure that Vice Principal made a choice, he could have played the ‘heavy’, he could have ordered us back to class himself. But he made a leadership choice and let us play for a bit and then used the informal leadership in the group (he could have chosen any one of a few of us, I was just closest I think), to move the group in a particular direction. This story of course raises the question, who are the informal leaders in your team or organization? How can you use their skills and gifts to help the team or organization?
And may all of us find the time this week to allow for play!
I’ve been learning from Meg Wheatley for some years now, and was reminded of her wisdom the other day when I found a note I had made during a session with her. She says, “It is comforting to remember that perseverence is the story of humankind. We all come from ancestors who persevered. We wouldn’t be here without them. It's our turn now.”
Perseverence. How often we must persevere, not simply as leaders but as humans. I was reminded of this over the weekend, when we learned that my mother had another fall. This time, thankfully, she was in hospital, and so help was very close at hand. However, she did fall flat on her face, and has broken her cheekbone, poor dear. What was amazing though, was the story we heard from the nurse who came to her aid. Mum was on her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth after dinner. The nurse found her on the floor, blood coming from her nose and mouth, trying to pull herself up on her walker, toothpaste and toothbrush still in hand, still trying to get to the bathroom to brush her teeth!
Those who know me and my siblings will immediately recognize our stubborn side. I believe stubborness to be simply the shadow side of perseverence. And when held in the light, this stubbornness means that we will stand our ground when called, we will fight for an ideal or a good we believe in, and we will stand by our friends. (We also mess up on these qualities from time to time, being human). Leadership, especially in these adventurous times requires perseverence. There is a great deal of fear in the world, and as leaders, we need to persevere against the fear, persevere against the troubles, persevere against the dangers. We must persevere with courage, persevere with health and strength, and persevere with a soulful confidence. And perhaps most importantly, we must persevere against the petty, the sharp and the short within ourselves.
I know that the next time I feel like giving up, I’ll recall the image of my 84 year old mother, hurt and frustrated, pulling herself up, and staying focused on the work at hand.
May each of us find an opportunity for such courage and perseverence this week. “It’s our turn now.”