Good afternoon from Vancouver!
We’ve been exploring the following leadership attributes from my reflections in Australia this summer;
Presence
Present Moment = Wonderful Moment
Slowing Down
Attention and Listening
Honouring Self, Others and the Place
Gratitude
Compassion
Solitude
Over the next weeks, I’ll expand a little more on each of them.
For this week, let’s look at honouring self, others and the place. There is a great old Stephen Stills song that goes, “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” Now, given it’s time and context, it was to all intents and purposes an homage to ‘free love’, but it has been humming around my brain a little over the past couple of months for another reason. Many of us can find ourselves working for example in situations, or being in places and with people we’d perhaps rather not be. For example as much as I enjoy the adventure of air travel, long flights especially can be tiresome and frustrating. I’m learning though to ‘be’ where ever I am. I could wish I was elsewhere, but that’s not reality, I’m here, right now, so what can I do more of or less of to be more present? And key to this work, and it is work, is to honour myself.
While I was away, I found myself missing family and friends. I soon realized if I tried to ‘push’ those feelings away, they’d simply come back. On the other hand if I dwelt on them, they could take over and become a debilitating case of homesickness. I found that by honouring the feelings, gently saying to myself, ‘yes, it is true that I miss this person or that person, and it would be fun if they were here.” And then, waiting for a bit and then, again gently saying to myself, “and they are not here, so let’s see what fun we can have right here right now.”  In that way I was honouring the feelings I had, and still not getting trapped into a hampster wheel.
And by honouring myself, I could then more appropriately honour other people. I met a lovely older couple on my trip and for a couple of days they were often present in my environment. As much as I valued my solitude, I soon learned that I could learn much if I simply listened to the wife in the couple, who would come over and sit next to me and start to talk. It was beyond being ‘polite.’ I actually grew to enjoy her wit and wisdom, even though, I would much rather have been sitting quietly on my own. And after a while, having been present in the moment with her, I could then say, “well, it’s been great, and I’d like to go back to my journalling, or reading. I look forward to our next conversation.” And off she’d happily go.
As leaders we can find ourselves in meetings, on trips, engaging with customers or colleagues and thinking to ourselves, ‘I could be doing x’ or ‘when are they going to finish?’ Remember the Stephen Stills song, ‘love the one you’re with.’ And honour yourself, the other people in the room and the place you’re in. The place you’re in is the place you’re in. Give your attention to the other person, and having done that for a time, you will be able to more graciously disengage, or even better, you may learn something new.