Good morning, from a sunny and much warmer Vancouver. It felt so good to walk into the office today with the sun on my face.
I was reminded yesterday, working with a client, of the words of Richard Rohr who said, “It’s not how they see the world, it’s how THEY see the world.” How often we miss the vital fact that each of us has our own vantage point. That vantage point is informed by our experiences, our successes, failures, loves, broken hearts, self awareness, self esteem, and innumerable other aspects that make up our lives.
A simple example will suffice. I use a short case study in some of my workshops where an employee is told by his/her manager at about 9 am to come and see the manager at 2 pm. When the employee shows up at the appointed time the manager is late, and then spends time on the phone before turning to talk to the employee. In the case study we are then asked to reflect on the feelings and thoughts that came up for us if we were this employee. Almost everyone has negative responses, including feelings of concern, apprehension, frustration and even anger about the waiting time between 9 am and 2 pm. I liken it to being called to the principal’s office in high school; most of our experiences of such authority are quite negative. The case study then adds a piece about the manager wanting to compliment the employee based on some very positive  feedback from a customer. We then debrief about what the manager could have done differently.
I think that Rohr’s words speak volume here. The manager in the case study may well have intended to pass on a compliment and thereby perhaps encourage and motivate the employee. However, because of how the employee “sees” the world, the best intentions of the manager may well lie tattered on the floor. Our actions are what our colleagues see, not our intentions. Our actions feed the vantage point of the employee, our actions fit into the story they have about themselves and about the world. And it is often the case that such stories and vantage points can be quite negative. By matching our actions with our intentions, when giving either positive or negative feedback, we are more likely to be understood.
May this week bring each of us ample opportunity to match our actions and intentions, and perhaps even to see the world through a colleague’s eyes.