Good morning from Vancouver in Spring! There is a bad nor’easter pounding Atlantic Canada as I write and the folks there are in my thoughts and prayers.

I’ve been thinking recently about disasters; the loss of Malaysian Air flight 370 and the mudslide in Washington State are just two that are showing up in my news screens. The way most of us receive news of these disasters is through some kind of medium; twitter, radio, TV, and newspapers. An impact of that mediated information is that we can find ourselves an audience, as opposed to engaged and participating. In the theatre, for example, cast and crew are very aware of what’s called the 4th wall. Surrounding the three sides of most stages are three walls, the 4th wall is the invisible wall between the audience and the actors on stage. In very rare occurrences some plays will ‘play’ with the 4th wall and have a character that speaks to the audience, but for the most part the play happens and the audience watches. We might be moved, we might laugh or cry , we might be inspired etc. but we don’t actively participate in the play itself. The same is true in our mediated news experience; there is a kind of 4th wall between us and the people actually participating. It’s one of the reasons we are glued to our screens when, for example, the county sheriff gives a press conference about the missing people in the mudslide; s/he is a participant in the search and takes time to turn to us the audience and give us a report through the 4th wall.  As an audience feel more closely linked to the action, as it were.

One of the challenges as we face as leaders and managers I submit, is breaking down the 4th wall, especially around conflict. One of the default places we go is to talk about an employee’s performance or a conflict we might have with an employee, rather than talking with the employee. What we’re doing in such cases is acting like an audience member; we may be moved, we might laugh or cry, or wonder what will happen next, but we’re not actively participating in the play itself. And the result is, the play goes on with or without us! If you really want to make a difference in your department, or your organization you can’t be an audience member, you have to be an actor in the play itself. That means you have to talk with and communicate with the other actors, not just talk about them.

Here are three deceptively simple guidelines for actually acting in the ‘play’;

1. Listen to what the other ‘actor’ is saying, both with their words, their tone of voice and their bodies. Respond to what they are saying, not what you think they are saying, or what you hear yourself say while they are speaking.
2. Truth is not only good, it’s what drives the action of the play forward. I may have a different perception of what the truth is, but I don’t have the whole truth. The way to uncover the whole truth is to balance advocacy with inquiry. In dialogue we are more likely to uncover more of the truth than we have individually. Candour therefore is absolutely vital.
3. Watch out for drama. In plays drama is vital, it is what entertains us. In real life, and especially in organizations, in the words of my friend and mentor Jamie Powers, “one should have only as much drama in one’s life to be entertaining at dinner parties.” Drama in organizations often increases with two factors, the length of time the issue, performance problem or conflict festers and the number of other people getting involved; drama triangles becoming drama octagons for example! Two people, listening to each other, and advocating and inquiring about truth will be able to do far more, far more effectively than 3 or 5 or 8 people trying to act as heroes or ‘help’ resolve the conflict.

May this week be filled with each one of us getting on the stage!