Good afternoon from AC 208 enroute to Calgary and Toronto. I hope that this week is filled with learning for each of us. I had a most refreshing conversation with a friend of mine, Eleanor Rogers, http://www.creativecurrents.ca/blog last week. She’s a clinical counsellor and in the midst of our conversation about handling our own negative emotions at work  she spoke of  a brilliantly simple visual aid  about the structure and function of the brain. The model comes from Daniel Siegel (author of Mindsight, and many other seminal books in the field of Interpersonal Neurobiology). Eleanor explained, “look at the palm of your hand and imagine it's your brain. Your wrist and forearm represent the brain stem or ’reptilian brain’. Your thumb, folded into your palm, represents the limbic system. Your four fingers folded over top of the thumb represent the prefrontal cortex.”

And here is where this model became very interesting for me. The prefrontal cortex, the four fingers folded over the thumb is responsible for, in Eleanor’s words, “functions such as attuned communication, balancing of emotions, response flexibility, fear modulation, and empathy.”

She continued, “inside of the limbic system, represented by the thumb, the ‘amygdala’ stores the highly emotional experiences from throughout life, but does not sense past or present. Something that upsets you now can trigger frantic amygdala activity from a similar troubling event from the past, making you overreact. It can flip you into the “fight-flight-freeze“ mode of fear and self-protection (functions of the reptilian brain).”  So, when I get angry, frustrated or afraid, my limbic system is likely triggered and I am no longer using the pre-frontal cortex. I’m not being and living at my best. In fact, as Eleanor puts it, “in Siegel's visual aid, when the amygdala is firing, the four fingers representing the prefrontal cortex straighten up to a vertical position.” And for me anyway, I am reminded that there is a large and powerful part of my brain that has now been disconnected. As Eleanor notes, Siegel says  “getting the prefrontal cortex back ‘online’ is crucial to being able to calm overblown emotions, and regain an ability to connect and communicate effectively. Bringing the prefrontal cortex back on line is represented by the fingers gently folding back down again over the palm and thumb.“

So the next time as a leader, as a friend, as a parent, or as a spouse you find yourself getting angry or frustrated, remember that you’re now being driven by the limbic system in your brain, and inside of that system, the amygdala is now in the driver seat. The amygdala has no sense of past, present or future and is reacting to the situation in the same way it always has, often in child-like ways or in fight-flight-freeze. None of which are going to help with the relationship in front of you. Eleanor offers the following suggestions to bring the prefrontal cortex on line:

“First acknowledge the upset; you have been triggered and it may well be for good reason. Then, regulate your breathing, take long slow breaths in and out, this will tell your body and your brain that you relaxing  and that fight/flight/freeze are not necessary. Third, get focused on the present moment and situation. You may experience a flood of memories, as you breathe, perhaps try saying to yourself, “breathe in the present, breathe out the past.” Then focus on your physical experience as it calms, you’ll feel tension easing and your breathing will be easier. And then, give yourself some time before immediately going into problem solving mode. It might help for example to disengage for a few minutes, go and have a glass of water.”

And remember, your feelings are good, they are normal, and they are there for a reason. And your neo-cortex, that front part of the brain can and does help us build and enhance our relationships in ways our triggered emotions are unequipped for.