I have been devouring Parker Palmer books for the 10 days. The one I’m in the middle of right now is called “A Hidden Wholeness.” It is a wonderful book about the journey of humans, and especially leaders, to live and lead from within. Palmer is a writer and retreat leader who has inspired, challenged and provoked change in leaders across North America.
One of the lines in “A Hidden Wholeness” that stopped me in my tracks this week was;
 
          “I do not know who coined the phrase, “Everyday, in every way I am getting better and better,” but he or she must have had a great fantasy life. …my pattern has never been onward and upward. It has always been up and down and back around.”

This has been my experience of growth and development as well. I think we do ourselves (and therefore our teams) a disservice when we try and force ourselves into pigeon holes like, “I’m getting better and better!” Even as leaders, there are good days and bad days, good months and bad months. We do actually behave and produce in ways for which we are rightfully proud of ourselves. And we do actually behave and produce in ways for whch we are rightfully frustrated with ourselves or guilty. And that is ok.
Now, there is a catch. As leaders, we need to be circumspect about how and with whom we share those ‘down and back around’ times. The people on our teams can be confused, or misunderstand our comments and pain and frustration can result.
For example, my adolescent self was thrilled to see the movie, “Battle Los Angeles” on the airplane last night, and I watched it gleefully!  In one scene, a young Lieutenant has let his men down in a previous encounter with the challenges they face. He is sulking in self loathing away from his team, who are looking at him with fear and confusion on their faces. The older and wiser Staff Sergeant, has a quiet word with him. And after listening for a few moments to the Lieutenant’s guilt and self anger, “we all make mistakes Sir”, the sergeant says. “But these men need your orders. What are we going to do sir? It’s your call.” He gives his orders and a newly invigorated team moves out to face the challenges ahead. The team obviously know that the lieutenant has messed up, but they learn to trust him again because he is learning.
Now, my more adult self was intrigued by this small scene, as a fine example of honouring our ‘down and back around’ moments. The young lieutenant had a confidante, a mentor, and a guide in the sergeant. Someone who would listen to his concerns, respect them, hold them in confidence and then, challenge and inspire him to go out and lead. As leaders, we all need such a confidante. And, as I’m learning, we each have within us, a sergeant, that older, wiser self who can honour our own frustrations and guilt, and then ask, “and what’s the right thing to do next?” We all need quiet moments alone with our confidante, and/or with our wiser self, to help us honour our ‘down and back around’ periods, and then to help us move on.
Perhaps the aphorism then is not that “Every day in every way, I’m getting better and better.” More likely, it’s “Every day, in every way, I’m learning.” And I believe, with that level of honesty with ourselves, we can inspire and create environments where our teams are learning as well, and thus making a real difference in our teams and our organizations.